Thursday night he said to me that he hadn't given me a lot of pain lately. Oh there has been pain, it's a constant on the menu, but not a real pain session. And then, with only a little time to ponder that, he took us there.
His favourite kind of pain focuses on my nipples. It's a huge turn on for him to know that I submit knowingly to pain and it seems to be a bigger turn on that it's my nipples he is torturing. He thinks that they are pretty without enhancement, but lovelier when enhanced with pain.
So Thursday night he gave me pain.
And then again on Friday.
And then again on Saturday.
By Saturday morning I was looking for an escape, for anything that might distract him from hurting me more.
Because at first when he let me know he was going to hurt me a lot I was anxious and excited. And then I was so into it, floating on the pain, loving it. And then I was stupid with it as it progressed further, dazed. And wanting even more, wanting more than I can take. In that stage I want him to break me with it.
And then of course I always get to the point where it's too much, where I want it to stop, where it overwhelms me. Where I just want it to stop. Need it to stop. Where everything on my body hurts, even little things and I just want it all to stop.
And even then he can make me want it, if he wants it. And that's the important thing. I want what he wants. I want to give him whatever he wants. If he tells me I am a good girl, or whatever variation of that he chooses to use, he can make me take more, even want more. His encouragement can be huge to me, but I think it's his determination that pushes me though it. I don't think it ever occurs to him that I might balk, might refuse, might demand he stop.
This weekend there were few encouraging words. He was stern, demanding, cruel. For part of it he was punishing me. I took it, the pain cocktail he mixes for me. I was relieved when he ran out of time and had to stop.
I'm not sure if he was done; I suppose I'm not sure if he won't come back to it even now.
And I don't want it anymore. My body is sore and tired from days of pain. But he could make me take it of course. By demanding it. Or he could make me ask for it, even want to give it, by stroking me. What a mind fuck that is.
sin
My lil pain slut, you know yourself and now understand quite well how your mind, body, and emotions go through the different levels of pain/pleasure, as I walk you up that mountain of pain at different paces, as you correctly describe above, and then bring you back down, whether by walking you down slowly or just pushing you off and requiring you to trust there is a net somewhere in your fall. What a huge turn on for your sadist Master as I watch your face, your body, your whines and even screams at times, as you make that journey up and then back down, as I choose the different twist and turns along the way. There is one constant now, My lil pain slut - when left without pain now, you will always crawl back for more, eventually. What a mind fuck? Of course I smile with that thought.
ReplyDeletesin,
ReplyDeleteI love the pain cocktail part, because that is sooooo true. Amazing thing this power exchange is, more they take, the more you want to give, the more they give you back.
It's all so confusing sometimes (at least to me) I don't like physical pain yet I find myself begging for it--even when I really don't want to.
mouse