Thursday night he said to me that he hadn't given me a lot of pain lately. Oh there has been pain, it's a constant on the menu, but not a real pain session. And then, with only a little time to ponder that, he took us there.
His favourite kind of pain focuses on my nipples. It's a huge turn on for him to know that I submit knowingly to pain and it seems to be a bigger turn on that it's my nipples he is torturing. He thinks that they are pretty without enhancement, but lovelier when enhanced with pain.
So Thursday night he gave me pain.
And then again on Friday.
And then again on Saturday.
By Saturday morning I was looking for an escape, for anything that might distract him from hurting me more.
Because at first when he let me know he was going to hurt me a lot I was anxious and excited. And then I was so into it, floating on the pain, loving it. And then I was stupid with it as it progressed further, dazed. And wanting even more, wanting more than I can take. In that stage I want him to break me with it.
And then of course I always get to the point where it's too much, where I want it to stop, where it overwhelms me. Where I just want it to stop. Need it to stop. Where everything on my body hurts, even little things and I just want it all to stop.
And even then he can make me want it, if he wants it. And that's the important thing. I want what he wants. I want to give him whatever he wants. If he tells me I am a good girl, or whatever variation of that he chooses to use, he can make me take more, even want more. His encouragement can be huge to me, but I think it's his determination that pushes me though it. I don't think it ever occurs to him that I might balk, might refuse, might demand he stop.
This weekend there were few encouraging words. He was stern, demanding, cruel. For part of it he was punishing me. I took it, the pain cocktail he mixes for me. I was relieved when he ran out of time and had to stop.
I'm not sure if he was done; I suppose I'm not sure if he won't come back to it even now.
And I don't want it anymore. My body is sore and tired from days of pain. But he could make me take it of course. By demanding it. Or he could make me ask for it, even want to give it, by stroking me. What a mind fuck that is.