Possessiveness in D/s. Sweetkk touched on it a week ago in a post on Reciprocal Possession. Kind of a yearning post. Maybe mine is too.
I am possessive. Probably even more than I am jealous. As for how much that really is, I think the jury is still out.
And I get that in a classic D/s paradigm (if there is one), that I am his and I have no reciprocal ownership of him.
Even the language is tricky sometimes.
I am his. His sub, his little girl, his pet, his property even. And he has introduced the words property, even if we haven't talked it much.
He has exclusive rights to my submission. He tells me what to do. He tells me what not to do.
And he calls me "Mine" sometimes with a tone in his voice that is very very possessive.
I feel the same way about him actually. Though it's kind of frowned on I think. Subs are supposed to just be greatful for what they get right? Just be patient, and submissive and greatful. But I'm greedier than that, more possessive than that.
He's my Dom, my Master, my Daddy, my Owner.
He is MINE as much as I am his.
Yes I have to share him sometimes. He has made clear that he wants variety and will continue to want it and to take it. He likes other subs, desires them, plays with them, hurts them. What does he feel for them? I know he feels desire. Power. Lust. Excitement. I know he cares about them. They aren't nothing to him, not just a way to get off. They have feelings for each other. Does he feel possessive? I don't know. Probably a bit. Because he's that way I think.
What do they feel? I don't know all of it. Desire, submission, desire to please him, love sometimes. Do they feel this possessive? I don't know. I know they want him to want them. I think they want what I have. Without the jealousy and bad parts presumably.
Because sometimes there are jealousy and bad parts. And jealousy sucks.
And I try to manage it. Maturely. I know he loves me. I know I'm special to him. I know, I know, I know.
But inside me, sometimes, there's that 3 year old who doesn't want to share. Not lying on the ground having a full out tantrum, not even pouting or stamping her foot perhaps. But wary looking. Determined. You can tell she's thinking "I'll share. A bit. Cautiously. But that's not yours. He's not yours. He's MINE."
10 comments:
So true
Very difficult to reconcile sharing and possession isn't it! Tantrums aside :)
how could you not have those feelings when he means so much to you? im very similar to you in my possessive views. yes, i am his but hes mine, too. so i understand totally.
Were you listening to my conversation with daddy last night? Evidently, daddy is more mature than I am because he is comfortable sharing and I am not yet. Like I told him, I was faithful for 7 years with no sex, so I am wired for monogamy but that does not mean incapable of learning. I know I can share if I don't see someone playing with my toys, but to share face to face will be so hard.
Totally.
- the not very sub-like kk
I have been worried about this very thing. He hasn't introduced anyone new into our lives but I think that is just YET. I'm fearful I won't be able to handle it very sublike at all.
Happy Valentines Day again, My submissive. Yes, you are Mine. 100% Mine. I arrogantly told you soon after we met that I would take all of you, and I did. No, not change all of you, take it all, Own it all. I have done that.
Yes, I am "your" Master as well. You can be possessive about that, subgirl - just don't feel so "ownerly" about it. Afterall, I don't mind you a bit jealous about that as long as it doesn't get in Our way.
I am so glad I found you when I did. I treasure your love and submission everyday. Thank you for giving yourself, all of yourself, to Me.
I completely get that.
and I want it too
I want to belong to someone -- and have (at least somepart of) him belong to me.
I'm greedy
I had it once before
I want it again.
sfp
(ps -- love what MoS wrote -- so much I don't even want to call him Big Bad today)
Nicely put MoS, you two seem very lucky from what I've been reading :D
You are more generous than I am. I don't think sharing Him will work for me. I think He does have to be "mine."
But MoS's comment is very... sigh... masterful. And i do like that... Just don't wanna share.
aisha
i think that you both love each other enough to be fully greedy with one another---
and i grok fully how hard that sharing is for you, dearest sister--
and we both know my wiring is --quirky---so, even when it was playtime with nilla? i never felt a sense of entitled "ownership"of Him, that possessiveness...
Caring for Him and you? yes. definitely.
a sense of "He's mine too?" (or she's "mine" too)....?
not so much.
Even now, with my own collaring in the very, very near future, if B was to tell me that he was taking on a new girl...i'd be okay with that.
(like i said...i'm wired strangely--i can see that i am truly NOT the norm--)
What i do see is that Y/you two have a very solid and substantial relationship that has stood the test of time, the test of "toys",and weathered many storms.
not so many are as blessed as You both...
and i am happier than you'll ever know that you have that.
in love and sisterhood,
nilla
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