Formspring Q - Why do you spend so much of your time comparing yourself to other subs and slaves? Are you insecure?
Umm no. Actually I didn't realize I did do that. So this made me look at that behaviour.
I do compare myself to other subs in terms of pain, I wrote some stuff on that not long ago, the pain continuum. Umm, I guess that part is interesting. It's not something I'd ever had a chance to do, ever before. Like in grade school you know where you stand in terms of math and English and gym. I'm not super competitive about any of that, and I'm certainly not with pain, but it's sort of interesting to speculate about it nonetheless, and to understand where I fit.
I agree, upon reflection, that I compare myself to other subs when he has another girl. Which I think is kind of natural, because, I guess I assume he MUST do some of that, though he rarely (if ever?) tells me about those comparisons.
I don't think it's about being insecure at all. I think it's more about validating myself, my behaviours, my choices, the way I am. It's not that I think others are better. I'm very confident actually. If anything I think I am better, at least for him, and maybe I'm pointing that out to him, to the world, to myself.
Maybe a really nice girl wouldn't do that, but hey, it's my blog right?
6 comments:
i think you are far more secure about all of this than i, sin...
i like to think of it as "benchmarking", largely driven by my relative newness to D/s...
not that i'm going to start creating spreadsheets any time soon or anything ;-)
kk
hmm
I think that there are many blogs that float out there alone -- with no real interaction with their readers
I read them and sometimes comment - but they're the ones that never commment back or mention the readers
I think in your blog -- you do more of this comparing - because WE compare ourselves as well with our "oooh Sin you're a much tougher sub than I" comments
sure -- we're all a bit insecure -- but I think it's part of the bloggers journey -- most of us blog to understand ourselves and if we are "normal"
and we've found we are normal
and abnormal all at the same time
sfp
(metswo)
you will find this strange,but isn't perfection kinda fluid, too?
imho, that too can float on it's own continuum....
some days things are *perfect*....and somedays....the same things ..aren't. Depends on the mood of the individuals living in that space, in that place, for that time. The mood, life issues, etc etc.
There is not really any sense to "perfection"...least ways, not something *i* strive towards...but to be my personal best, even when no one will ever see my efforts? i'll continue to strive towards *that* goal (and sometimes fail..but get up and start again...)
nilla
the imperfect
Sfp made a great point. You engage us, benchmarking is just one of the ways. I never interpreted it as you being insecure, just introspective.
I bet Big Bad rarely makes comparisons. He seems to be a discerning Dom who appreciates the variety and nuance in each girl. I'll bet the times he brings up comparisons it's just as a point of interest, because he knows you might find it interesting, and he wants to share himself with you.
Kimberley, over at The Errant Wife just wrote about polyamory and the "it's not a contest" mentality. You might find it interesting. I did.
I ditto the thought that dragging other characters in the blog-o-sphere into your blog is just part of the community thing that makes this a whole lot more fun than just tossing rhetorical rocks into a pond.
So when I talk about certain special occasion cocks, or what a particular blogger might do to correct unsafe biking practices here at UCTMW, like Sin's comparisons, it is not out of insecurity. Is it?
I do think that it's partly about community. Which I love. And while I didn't think I was writing for comments, I have loved the comments from the first one I got, way back when. As Mick says, it's more fun to involve the community than to drop metaphorical rocks into a pond. Well... even then I guess there would be ripples.
And of course when I say I'm not one of those perfect submissives I hope you'll write back to me and say no Sin, we adore you, you aren't unsubmissive you are peppy and interesting. :)
Actually the wording of the question surprised me. I like validation of course. But I'm really not insecure.
Kelly, Big Bad says you have him exactly right, and that he doesn't compare. I would say that he rarely compares out loud but surely he must do some of it.
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