Do you think that giving something to someone makes you care about them more?
It's something I've been pondering lately and I think it's a fact. If you give your time and energy to someone you care about them more. Like our children, or like a cause or like a friend who for whatever reason (sickness, need) becomes a cause for a while. We care passionately about them while we are giving and while they need us.
Relationship experts claim that if you are having trouble in a relationship, struggling a bit, that if you give something, attention or service to that person you'll like them better.
If you give money or a gift I think it makes you care more, and sometimes when that caring doesn't seem reciprocated or appreciated (thank you notes?) our feelings can be hurt and we get huffy and resentful.
When we give sex (especially we as women) we care a lot more. Suddenly we have a huge investment in a relationship.
And when we give submission? I think it's more of the same.
I think giving makes us love more.
What do you think?
5 comments:
Yes, I would agree with that. I also think it's a relationship strategy: I feel like I see a lot of people expressing wishes that their partner would give more (including be more dominant) when one of the potential solutions is for them to give more.
Nobody should give more than they feel comfortable with, and it's not fair to give people things they didn't ask for and then resent them for not responding in kind, but in general, giving is good.
Yes. It's also why good political campaigns try to get folks to give some money, no matter how small, to the cause. It makes people feel "invested" in the candidate or cause.
Mick
Interesting post - i just recently ran across an article that talked about the idea that we like people who we treat well and don't like people who we treat poorly. Same idea, i think.
i went to google, of course to try to find that article, and couldn't. i did find this immediately:
http://www.sosuave.com/articles/investing.htm
which was kind of depressing, it was so manipulative, and yet i think it's true, as far as it goes. It's some asshole telling guys how to get their girlfriends to "invest" in them, but it speaks to the same principal, as applied by an (apparently) shallow and selfish person.
So yeah. i think you're right. i think it's an effort to avoid cognitive dissonance, if we want to get technical about it, and is one of the things that makes anti-smoking propaganda so often ineffective.
Anyhow. Great post, long-ass comment...
aisha
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