Yesterday morning he assigned a task. Masturbation with a little hit of pain.
That's rare for him, for us. Usually it's all or nothing, lots of pain or none at all. And usually he likes to be there to watch it. To monitor it in case I get into trouble and to watch it and groove on it.
So I wondered why he wanted what he wanted this time.
I'll tell you later he said.
And last night he did tell.
"It was to make you vulnerable," he said. "Pain makes you vulnerable, opens you. I wanted that."
Is that what it's always about I ask him. Feeling poised, on the knife edge of a revelation.
He's right. It does make me vulnerable. It's a power shifter. It opens me to him.
No, not always. Sometimes I just like hurting you. Oh yeah, there's some just plain sadist in there too.