A week ago, give or take, he decided to play with me at my office. I don't love him playing with me at the office. There's always a danger of getting caught of course, and play, especially D/s play, especially D/s play with pain, makes me stupid. And stupid doesn't work well at my office. It clouds my thinking and makes it hard for me to accomplish anything and...
...and yet its exciting. It's attention. It's desire and sex and pain. It's rarely so extreme that it's unmanageable, it's often a precursor to something else.
And it's been ages since he's had time for me. I know he's busy. I do know. And I know he's managing things as well as he can, but still, sometimes I feel like I come at the end of a very long list of obligations. Or at least other calls on his time.
So we're talking and he says to me, do you have your painkit. And I think crap. I don't think I do have it. I'm always supposed to, but he never damn well uses it, never uses me, so I might not. And he's going to be pissed. I say "ummm" stalling for time. He says you're supposed to have it or something like that, kind of benign yet menacing tone, and then tells me that he wants twist ties out of it, to go on my nipples.
He describes how he wants the ties on my nipples. Pretty tight he says, with the nipples bulging out. He's detailed that way. And then he says he wants me to report to him every 15 minutes or so about how they feel.
I'm saved. Because I know I have twist ties at the office. I've scavenged them there before. I might even have some in my purse, there were some loose in there not too long ago, nice fresh ones. And unless he specifically asks me I won't have to say I don't have the painkit. The focus will be on me having the twist ties, rather than on me not having the painkit.
The painkit is a little jewelry bag with things in it that he can use to hurt me. It's got tweezer clamps and elastics and twist ties. Sometimes it has those black bulldog office clamps for attaching lots of papers. Right now it has my clover clamps in there cause I stuck them in one time when I needed somewhere to stash them. And my tiny little finger vibe. And a couple of tampons, sometimes batteries, and some paperclips or change or something just to disguise what it really is. All little tiny things that shouldn't be floating loose in my purse.
And I don't have it in my purse. It's in my backpack lately. I took the painkit out of my purse when I was vacationing. Didn't want to take it through airport security. Nothing in there that's contraband, but I just didn't want to answer questions about it to some smirking guard. And it wound up back in my backpack, which he wouldn't mind as long as I had it with me, which I don't
I usually do have it. I'm conscientious about things like that. I've been caught before and it's not nice getting caught not having the things I'm supposed to have.
But I don't. Because... Well because he never fucking uses it any more. He doesn't have time for me or for play. And so the kit is just an extra thing in my bag, and, and, and ... the fact is that I don't have it.
I didn't say all that, because I'm not an idiot. And there's no point in fighting a battle unless you have to, right? But it did leave me feeling defensive. I knew I had done wrong and wanted him in on sharing the blame for it.
But I had the twist ties, a bunch of about six of them in my purse so it was fine. I put two on as per his order and the lack of the painkit never really came up again. Actually it was totally overtaken by other events. Actually he got distracted by real life while I was wearing the ties and didn't respond to most of my every 15 minute reports. Eventually he came back and took them off me and debriefed and apologized.
Until earlier this week when his other girl got nailed for forgetting hers.
So there's certainly a lesson there for her and for me. Don't forget the stuff he tells you to have with you. And don't get sloppy just cause he doesn't use it. And maybe a message there for him too?
See how classy it was for me to just leave that message to your imagination?