Be Zen

Be Zen.

It has been a rough couple of weeks.

Lots of real life shit in my life.

A friend died. Fucking cancer.

Two more people almost died. Everyone around me is wound too tight, too sad, too stressed.

I feel like I am absorbing all the sadness. That I need to help them if I can. But I'm drained by it.

So... I felt like I had run out of the ability to help.

And I also think I've run out of the patience of everyone who is trying to support me. My people are tired of me being angry, petulant, cranky, weepy.

I am too.

I want my life to just settle back to normal.

Please?

When You Thought Your Friend Was Over That Guy

My friends must think I'm a masochist. Wait. I AM a masochist.

An addicted masochist I guess.

Three Weeks To Go

Three weeks to go and I'm hating media and social media and social interactions.

There's so much hate. And bashing and meanness. Sarcasm and name calling.

We've demonized the other side.

We can't imagine what the world will look like if the opposition wins.

We can't imagine what the opposition will do if we win.

This is bad guys.

We all need to scale back just a little and realize that nothing will change overnight, the world won't end. It will go on, pretty much as it has.

We all need to be a little nicer, a little kinder, and a little more accepting of people who don't think just as we do.

I guess that was me on my soapbox.

Play nice today friends.

Possibilities

Today is a good day, it's Friday, the sun is shining.

And everything looks pretty freaking rosy in my world today.

Oh, and maybe there are some new doors.

So Then...

This blog doesn't really seem like the right place for me to write anymore. 

It's funny because I felt like an exile for ages, and I was so happy to get back here and writing, and touch base with some of you again and yet... 

Things have changed for me. Relationships have changed. I'm changing. 

Writing here kind of feels like I have to conform to the expectations of who and what I was here a long time ago. Writing here got dangerous too, and it still doesn't feel like a safe space.

And it seems like I'm struggling to write here, I haven't written in almost a month and... I miss it and miss you and your comments. But yet I'm not writing. 

I feel sometimes like I'm struggling with craziness. Up and down and ... yes I know I always was, but now more than ever. Lots of uncertainty. 

So ... maybe this is a starter post. A stub. And I will come back often. Maybe. 

Maybe this post will open everything up again and things will flow. 

Or maybe I need to move on and write somewhere else. 

Or both? 

Of course, if you have questions, or suggestions or motivating things you want to say to me, to encourage me to write and share, just jump in and inspire me. 

Or maybe I will find my muse again. Wish me luck?