carpe diem

where to go now?

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Three Weeks To Go

Three weeks to go and I'm hating media and social media and social interactions.

There's so much hate. And bashing and meanness. Sarcasm and name calling.

We've demonized the other side.

We can't imagine what the world will look like if the opposition wins.

We can't imagine what the opposition will do if we win.

This is bad guys.

We all need to scale back just a little and realize that nothing will change overnight, the world won't end. It will go on, pretty much as it has.

We all need to be a little nicer, a little kinder, and a little more accepting of people who don't think just as we do.

I guess that was me on my soapbox.

Play nice today friends.

Friday, October 7, 2016


Today is a good day, it's Friday, the sun is shining.

And everything looks pretty freaking rosy in my world today.

Image result for sometimes when a door closes

Oh, and maybe there are some new doors.

Monday, October 3, 2016

So Then...

This blog doesn't really seem like the right place for me to write anymore. 

It's funny because I felt like an exile for ages, and I was so happy to get back here and writing, and touch base with some of you again and yet... 

Things have changed for me. Relationships have changed. I'm changing. 

Writing here kind of feels like I have to conform to the expectations of who and what I was here a long time ago. Writing here got dangerous too, and it still doesn't feel like a safe space.

And it seems like I'm struggling to write here, I haven't written in almost a month and... I miss it and miss you and your comments. But yet I'm not writing. 

I feel sometimes like I'm struggling with craziness. Up and down and ... yes I know I always was, but now more than ever. Lots of uncertainty. 

So ... maybe this is a starter post. A stub. And I will come back often. Maybe. 

Maybe this post will open everything up again and things will flow. 

Or maybe I need to move on and write somewhere else. 

Or both? 

Of course, if you have questions, or suggestions or motivating things you want to say to me, to encourage me to write and share, just jump in and inspire me. 

Or maybe I will find my muse again. Wish me luck?

Monday, September 12, 2016

What am I Looking For?

I'm spending lots of time thinking.

Some time cleaning my house.

Some time trying on fall clothes and new lingerie.

Some time thinking about what it is that I'm looking for.

Am I still looking for the same things?

How can I find someone who perfectly fits the bill.

And what the hell does the bill look like anyway?

So I'm confused. But my house is pretty clean.

Oh and my new lingerie looks nice. Thanks for asking.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Declutter Blog?

So... is this going to be my new declutter blog? Ummm, probably not.

But I guess it's not going to be what it was.

I had a Dom, and now I don't.

And I need to figure out what to do about that. Whether I want a new one. Where to find one. What kind of relationship I'm looking for.

It's tiring just thinking about it.

The other one, the old one, just happened. I didn't really have to think about it. It just kind of grew that way.

Damn, life is complicated sometimes.

I wish I could just wave my wand and have everything be peachy.

This whole transition period, whatever it is I'm transitioning to... this sucks. I hate uncertainty.

But... the decluttering is going well.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

The Times, They are a Changing

Things are changing.

I'm getting used to the new normal.

Oh, don't be so quick to celebrate. I'm sure I will circle back around to depression, despair and denial.

But today, things seem slightly sunnier.

I'm trying to look on the bright side.

I'm getting my life cleaned up.

I'm clearing out the clutter. I mean literally and figuratively. I'm doing some major decluttering. You'd be proud of me. The corners of my room are open for the first time in an embarrassingly long time. I'm excavating, putting away, throwing away, giving away.

I'm proud of myself.

And trying to see the positive in every day.

Stay tuned for the next gripping instalment in my decluttering journal.


Thursday, August 11, 2016

I Miss It

I miss it.

The dominance.

The connection.

The sex.

Even the pain. Maybe especially the pain.

What am I going to do?

I have no idea how to replace it. Where to get a fix.

I'm an addict and I've been cut off.

And I'm sad.