I went upstairs, put the butt plug in - I greased it up and it still hurt going in, put i pushed and twisted and held my breath and just did it, and eventually it slid into my ass, and I hoped all would be well. Then I put the clamps on, rings to 4, and the clamps hurt, but for the whole time, my focus was more on my ass and the plug than the pain in my nipples.
I came downstairs again and tried to distract myself. I didnt read porn though, wasnt sure what the instructions said about that but I did remember i wasnt supposed to "start" for 20 minutes after the clamps went on - and I was pretty sure that I just wasn't supposed to start touching or masturbating, but I guess not sure enough. so I read blogs, played a game, listened to the kids compete in a game, watched the clock, feeling my tummy churn a bit.
Did I feel sexual and hurting? Not really but I did feel very owned and controlled.
After 20 minutes I went upstairs again, got the big white vibe (because its a sure thing, and I wasnt feeling like my orgasm was a sure thing), and took it into the bathroom, mostly because i was worried about clean up and didnt want it on my bed.
I lay on the bathroom floor and thought that he's said before how trashy that is, and I agree. I pulled down my pants and panties, pulled them off, put the vibe on my pussy, and thought about how slutty it was, about being controlled, ordered, used. I pulled up my top and bra and looked at my clamped tits, touched them gently, thought of him telling me that I was a slut and needed to cum, telling me he'd do anything he wanted with me.
I was getting closer and closer, though the butt plug was a distraction, and I rocked my hips into the vibe, and I could feel myself tipping over, and I pushed and the plug slid out as I came. I did cum, though not as hard as usual; the plug sliding out was a distraction.
As I write this, I want to cum again... without the distraction!
And then I took the clamps off, still lying down, they hurt a lot by that point of course, even put at 4, they hurt as the rings come down and as I peel the tips off my tits, why is that? And then I got up, cleaned up and came downstairs, and there he was, waiting to hear my story.
He asked me yesterday if the plug was a distraction. Yes it was a huge distraction.
And did he ask me if it wrecked the orgasm or if it wrecked the task? I forget and I'm too lazy to go look, and I think you might find the answers to both questions interesting.
Yes Sir, it did wreck the orgasm, fucking thing. I don't think I was setting up for a great orgasm anyway, because of the plug and my worries, but when it moved at exactly the wrong moment and slid out of my ass, I was cumming when it moved, when I pushed it out, but it did kind of fizzle at that point. Now any orgasm is a good orgasm and and a bad orgasm is still better that a great day at work, right? But it wasn't a great orgasm.
Did it wreck the task? No way. Nothing could have wrecked the task. I looked forward to the task, and i think it got better in me looking forward to it.
It wasn't a combination i would have chosen, he knew that.
And when he gave it to me, I thought ... well, not entirely positive things. Just a flash of cranky. He was giving me tasks to maintenance me over the weekend, because we've struggled lately. And I don't really like butt plugs, as he knows. But I tried to be sweet about it, tried to get my mind back into submitting (yeah, it's been a while). I wanted us to be good.
Is that the key point right there? In turning the thing I don't really want into something that pleases? It's not that I need to love everything he gives me. In fact, if I do, then I'm not really submitting am I?
And in doing it, I felt submissive, and knew I could do it and please him, and I was happy that he'd given me a task (even if it was maintenance - which he said it wasn't when I raised this before, but the thing is, this time, even if it was, I wanted it, I needed something; I looked forward to it). I gave it 150% before, during, and after this task. I wanted to be great at it.
And maybe it was better for not being a combination that i would have chosen, as it really focused me on my submission, on being controlled, on my behaviour being changed by the task, by him, on being open about it, receptive to it. And that made me feel him, and how owned I am, and how lucky I am for that.
Yes, I'm working at focusing on the good. So much of D/s is in the mind isn't it? In the attitudes we bring. Yes, I want him to shape me and my behaviours, but so much of it is on being receptive or not.
So I'm glad for the task. It helped me very much to get my mind further in the game.
And thinking about that point of submission.