carpe diem

where to go now?

Monday, February 24, 2014


Bonjour Blogworld

I'm making progress at French class. I bet you're glad for me.

It's preoccupying me, taking tons of time and energy and I'm really trying to do well at it. Does anyone want to correspond with me en français? If so, I'm at

What else can I tell you.

Because of French class, I don't have much time left with The Man. He's pretty busy anyway and just doesn't have much time available, so it's probably just as well.

The Olympics are over. Did I mention that we won at hockey? Women's and Men's? Yes, I thought I had.

I'm thinking of getting a new phone. Everyone in the world has a smartphone except me. Maybe it's time.

I've finished a big work project. I've hired a cleaning lady. I haven't been to the gym in ages. It's time to go. I know.

I'm not sure what else to tell. I've scaled back on volunteer activities and actually said no to a couple of requests. I think the requestors were surprised. I was sort of surprised by myself.

What else should I write about? Write me and give me some advice, ask questions, or be provocative and annoying so I write back. Inspire me!


Sunday, February 23, 2014

Game Day

Big Bad Dom asked me early this afternoon if I was going to write another gloating hockey post. I said no, it's not just a hockey blog. (Doesn't seem like he's that taken with the hockey posts - he's American, I'm Canadian, what's not to love there?)

I'll write a bit about our days instead. Starting with the fact that he got dressed and went to church while I stayed home and watched hockey in my nightie and drank Bloody Marys.

Oh, and btw, my team won.

See? It's not ALL about hockey!


Who is getting up to watch hockey tomorrow morning at 7? 

Will you be drinking coffee or beer while it happens?

Will you be at home or at a bar or in Sochi?
Who thinks it's crazy? Who wouldn't miss it for the world?

Saturday, February 22, 2014


"Subgirl," he says, "This will make you blush but your breasts are fabulous. I'm a tit man and I love them. And look, your nipples are sticking out like little pencil erasers. That's not from the cold you know, that's from me. They were like that as soon as I took them out."

"Thank you Sir," I say.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Gold Medal Game

I have Olympic fever.

I just do; happens every time.

And this year. Well, we're happy. Canadians are happy and proud of our people.

This afternoon, we are celebrating. Delirious with joy. Thrilled to bits. Our women won gold in hockey (and curling too) today.  

I didn't watch the curling. It's a Canadian sport too but not the obsession that hockey is. But congrats to the undefeated team that wrapped that up today.

But hockey. It's huge to Canadians. Americans have football and baseball and basketball and soccer and some hockey too. We have hockey. And we believe we are great at it and we want to be great at it and celebrate it and ... well you know.

Olympic hockey is really between the American and Canadian teams. No one else has a team in the same league. I'm very knowledgeable (not) about women's hockey. Okay, I'm really not, though I'm getting that way. I know a couple of girls who are playing hockey well enough that we have to notice. And I'm really proud of them.

So anyway... hockey. We won this afternoon. It looked like we were going to lose. It looked like we were going to get our asses kicked actually. And then, suddenly, we scored and then we tied and then, in overtime, we won.

How do I know? I was watching it. My kid was watching it in school. Everyone was watching it. 

And on the way to that win, there was this part where we pulled our goalie, and the Americans almost scored on the empty net and the puck miraculously bounced off the post instead, so we put the goalie back (and probably all said a prayer of thanksgiving) and then we won.

And you could hear rejoicing all over town, and all over facebook and as it turns out all across the country.

We love winning Olympic hockey. We'd like to win mens hockey too. A lot. I'm sure lots of people consider that that's the "real game". And in a way, it is, I get that. And I want to win it. I hope we do. But all the men on those teams are already rick and famous and acknowledged as great. So, it's a huge deal to win at the Olympics, but ... maybe not as big in a way as for these women who... give their all to this, for years and years and years without much return. And then this.

Do you think they'll be saying this to the guys tomorrow? Maybe! I do kind of love that idea. And yeah, it's all over facebook where I live.

And yes we are assholes about it when we win.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Lots of Snow

I know it's snowed a lot everywhere this year. I know. 

At least, it's snowed a lot for places that don't normally see much snow. Lots of nasty winter weather in the south. It's made the news over and over. Traffic and delays and airport shut downs. And I've tried to be sympathetic. I know it's not the same in Georgia or Alabama as it is here in Canada when it snows. They don't expect it. They aren't equipped to deal with it. We are. So it's not nice to make fun of other people who are getting wintery weather.

I live in Canada, so it's supposed to snow. But jeez it seems like a lot this year. This was taken somewhere in central Ontario, fairly recently.

It wasn't taken by me. I've been home shoveling my driveway. Okay, not really. I paid someone to do that this year (thank God!)

So if Sochi needs snow, we could send them some.

Just sayin.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Dark Valentine


Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who was searching for the  key to her kingdom. She searched high and low, because she didn't really know what she was looking for.

One day she found a clue that pointed her towards a dark dungeon. At first she turned away and continued her search somewhere else. That couldn't be the key. Not really. It was too nasty and embarrassing.

So she looked and looked and looked some more. She couldn't find it anywhere else.

Finally she turned to look at the dungeon. Could the keys be there? Maybe.

She looked around to see if anyone was looking at her. No one was. So she snuck into the back, very very quietly. And then, nervous, she ran out again.

The next day she snuck back in again and stayed a little longer before running away again. And every day she repeated this, because she began to realize that the keys to the kingdom were probably in a dungeon just like this one.

She could see princes and princesses, lords and some ladies and some sorcerers in the dungeon, mostly off in the distance. There was treasure there and lots of peasants. And there were so many things to look at. She grew at ease with her surroundings but never forgot her search.

One day a handsome Lord approached her. And she knew instantly that he was magical. He asked her many questions and encouraged her to ask questions. And he had magical implements of pain and submission and pleasure on his belt. He was dark and mysterious and wonderful.

She was seduced and ran away with him, and lived happily in his castle, mostly in the dungeons. She put aside her original mission because she was happy in the castle.

Many years later she was reminded of her search for the keys to the kingdom and realized that the keys on his belt were those she had looked for all along.

Happy Valentine's Day to the Lord who makes dark magic to me most of my days!


Monday, February 10, 2014

Go Canada!

Canada is winning at the Olympics. Now you'll think this is boastful. And it is. And that it's a bit obnoxious. Yeah, that too.

But we're winning. For the first time ever. EVER.

And I know it's unlikely to last.

But right now, we're rocking this Olympic thing!

We have 7 medals. 3 gold, 3 silver and a bronze!

These two sisters won gold and silver in women's moguls. Justine and Chloe Doufour-Lapointe must be pretty damn happy. 

And whether it lasts or not, it doesn't take anything away from how amazing these athletes are and how proud we are of them.

And I'm very proud to be a Canadian! Every time I hear the anthem (and it's all over the news) I'm all choked up!

Go Canada!

Sunday, February 9, 2014


Mick asked a question in the comments on the last post which makes me realize that most of you probably don't know me very well.

His comment expressed surprise that I'm a pleaser in my non-sub role as well.

Yes, I am.

I think I'm a fairly dominant pleaser. I want things to go well, I want everyone to be happy, and I'm often bossy about how that happens. Because I always think I know best. Which makes me a really bossy sub.

I'm an extrovert. I have lots of friends. I'm a bit of an organizer there. I love parties and bars and large groups. I'm outgoing and loud and funny (I think). If you told my friends I was into D/s, they would definitely think I was on the Domme side.

I'm a manager in my job and I have one employee who really wants to think of me on the Domme side. He's always telling people he's afraid of me. He certainly gives the impression of me getting my way with high boots and a riding crop. He likes bossy women.

And yes, despite all that, I am a pleaser. I want everyone to be happy. Yeah, I know my Dom is rolling his eyes - maybe a couple of the rest of you too! Okay, sometimes I'm a confrontational bratty pleaser.

I'm very submissive in the bedroom. I don't even like to think about being the boss there. I've done it at least in role play, I think because I AM a pleaser, but I didn't like it. I put handcuffs on someone once, thinking that it might be really exciting to focus on teasing and pleasing someone to orgasm while they couldn't change things and get away, but really, it wasn't that exciting. I don't think either of us could get past the idea that I had the key.

I want it to be perfect for the person I'm with. And I like to be swept off my feet. There are some pretty specific things I like, and I don't mind telling them. But I like it even better, knowing they are getting what they want when they want it. 


I spent this morning doing a volunteer thing.

Which was really nice and completely exhausting.

And now I just want a nap.

And I feel very very happy that I did it. And that it's over.

I was in charge of organizing this event, and I wasn't sure how well it was going to go, or whether all my volunteers would show up (only one didn't show!) and whether everyone would like my volunteer thing. Because I'm such a pleaser, I worry about people LIKING everything.

So it was good. It went well. It's over.

I made some friends, and did some good and taught some stuff and worked with kids and ... It was good. 

And I'm sooooooo tired.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Friday, February 7, 2014

Thursday, February 6, 2014


This might become the "All Whining About French Blog."
 For those of you who used to come to read about Dominance and submission, I'm sorry. It doesn't seem to be that blog anymore.

Today we worked on those verbs that have être as an auxilary and the concordences. I know that doesn't mean much to anybody, but it's hard.

The thing is that I'm sitting there, making hundreds, maybe thousands of mistakes an hour. Really only hundreds? Okay. Hundreds. HUNDREDS. Of mistakes in an hour.

There were times today when I wanted to yell at my teacher. When I wanted to get up and walk out. When I wanted to put my head down on the table and cry.

I fucking hate making mistakes.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Parlez-Vous Français?

I'm taking this intensive French course.

It's really hard. I come home every day exhausted. Just wrung out by it.

It's really amazing how much I've forgotten.

And how many French verbs there are. Hundreds? Thousands?

I think I use about 10.

And how many tenses there are. I think there are 16?

I use 3.

Anyone want to jump in and sympathize or tell me I'm crazy?

I did this exercise this afternoon. Remember what we used to do in spelling class when we were kids, using the word in a sentence? So my exercise was to conjugate the verbs and use them in a sentence. I think we were working on futur simple. And and I felt like every damn word I said needed correcting.

I don't know if the teacher was sorry for me or just disgusted. Maybe some of both. He sent me home early.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014



adjective: discouraged
  1. 1.
    having lost confidence or enthusiasm; disheartened.
    "she must be feeling pretty discouraged"

Sunday, February 2, 2014

The Joneses

Mistress to sissy patience over at the Sissymaid Diaries has decided to play along and answer some questions about being a Domme. Thanks!

As an intro she says the following: "I happen to be a fond follower of the submissive blogosphere. I find knowing what others are doing helps me to understand my place as a Dominant (and as a submissive when that happens) and allows me to gauge my actions on the scales put forth by others. While I don’t subscribe to the keeping up with the Joneses philosophy of kink, I do like hearing the experiences that others have and using their ideas, desires, and goals to expand my repertoire."

I agree with lots of what she says here. I think there's a pretty big submissive blogosphere, and I find what others are doing and discussing help me to understand and discuss what I'm thinking sometimes.

I've really liked reading the answers from the Domme and Doms. They're so different, and I bet there are people who read them and think about how different they are. And it's not about making anyone feel defensive about anything they are or aren't, it's about openness and conversation about it. 

I don't think I'm a "keeping up with the Joneses" kind of kinkster, but I am curious about what the Joneses are doing. Sometimes in a "omg, I'm glad we aren't doing what the Smiths are doing," sometimes in a "wow, look at that hot thing the Greens are doing," and sometimes in a "what do you think of that thing the Golds are writing about?"

Although I admit that if the Smiths are doing something particularly nasty, I often just don't mention it, because it can be a red flag, a bit like daring him to do it to me.

But I do love the idea of seeing what's inside a Dom's mind as well as a sub's. As patience's Mistress says, "I like hearing the experiences that others have and using their ideas, desires, and goals to expand my repertoire."

Actually, it's not so much the repertoire in my case, but my language, conversation and understanding about D/s. Okay, maybe a little repertoire.

I have this idea that since D/s isn't mainstream, we can find ourselves immersed in it, without really understanding what's going on in our heads and in our relationships.And without growing up in a culture and society that gives us norms and expectations about it. So reading and discussing with other people who are doing similar things helps us to understand what might be "normal" in D/s.

Hmmm, is that what I mean? Do I care about being "normal"? Well, I care that I'm not crazy to desire pain sometimes and to want to offer myself to a Sadist. I don't want to be crazy, I want to be sexual, experimental, open to new things. And I don't want to give them up. I don't mind not being like everyone else on my street, but I love the commonalities here. I want to be like others (some others at least), or really, maybe I want to know that others see themselves as similar to me. Maybe I want to BE the Joneses?

I want to have a conversation about power and dominance and submission that it's impossible to have with people who aren't into it.

I want to hear more about the Dom side, partly to hear the answers from my own Dominant, but also so that I can understand your stories and so that I can crib from your answers and ask him if any of them apply to him/us.

I have a fascination with wanting to know what HE gets out of our relationship, from the pain and pleasure and connection and power exchange, from the Dom point of view. Honestly, it's enlightening to hear and it's often amazingly hot too.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Dom Question 2

I hypothesize there are questions that submissives want to ask Doms or Dommes, whether their own or other peoples'. So here is the second in a series of "Dom Questions" that I hope my Dom and others will answer for us.

Question #2
What do you like most about your submissive? How about least?

My Dom points out that the second part is a dangerous question. Probably is. I wonder if he'll answer it.

And come on... you want to know don't you? Just ask him. Tell him it's a blog thing.

If anyone wants to answer, you can do so in my comments, or on your blogs, or your subs' blogs or on your friends' blogs. Or if you want to answer more anonymously, you can email me and I'll post your answer(s) on my blog.


Thanks to my Dom who answered the last question here. I only know of two others who played along and answered online, here and here, so if there are more, please let me know and I'll link them too. Hopefully some of the rest of you got answers in private as I do think it was a very interesting question.


And thanks as well to all those who gave me urls to other Dom blogs. I have been to a bunch of them though, and I really enjoyed them.

I plan to put them all into a post with links so you can wander around to their blogs. But I'm lazy.

Edit: Check out one more Dom who answered here. And thanks for the addition!
And a Domme here .