carpe diem

where to go now?

Sunday, January 26, 2014


Recently Big Bad Dom went exploring on the internet and discovered someone else's rules.

He started reading them to me, asked what I thought, and I said I thought they were pretty all inclusive and pretty naive. He agreed with me, he even said they were utopian.

But he kept reading them to me.

And a couple of things became clear.

He liked The Rules. They were about action and intent and feelings and they gave everything to the Master. This submissive was going to do everything to please him, everything she thought might please him and she was going to do it all willingly. So he thought they were great.

I didn't like the rules. I thought they were silly. Yes, they gave him everything but and oh so willingly and sweetly. But they didn't take reality into consideration. The second there was anything outside perfection in their relationship, she'd be outside the rules.

In my relationship, being outside the rules is bad. There is enforcement, punishment, etc.

So I hated the rules and started feeling defensive and, okay a bit sulky too.

He kept reading. Maybe he didn't realize I was getting sulky. Every so often, I'd say to him something like, "oh you should get a sub who does that!"

It was threatening because I'm not a perfect submissive. Not even close. Somedays I'm perfect and obedient and sweet. Some days I'm obedient. And tired or sick or busy or sulky or furious or have PMS or dying to do something else, show off something else, get his opinion about something else.

Our deal is that he chooses what we're going to do or talk about and I do what he wants. We have some pretty basic rules about whether my attitude is appropriate or not. Again this is his decision. Surprised? But he actually wants to know whether I like what he's chosen. I'm required to be honest about my feelings if he asks. And then I might be required to just shut up about them. But none of that will make me Little Mary Sunshine if I want to fuck and he wants to talk or the reverse.

And these rules were so much about attitude. Yeah, I could be a bit better maybe. That's honesty. I could change a bit. But I don't think I'd ever get to that perfect submission in The Rules.

And I hope he doesn't get a sub who does that!


Yesterday was a weird day. A funeral, a hospital visit to the psych ward, and two moms who I'm close to have desperately ill babies.

Makes you think about priorities.

And prayer.

I'm not really a big believer in prayer. I'm a skeptic.

But sometimes I really really want it to be true.

I think this is one of those times.

Please let everyone be alright.

Praying for a speedy and full recovery, for the babies and the anorexic girl in the wheelchair.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Ah Football...

I know... shocking to some of you, but absolutely true. In fact, I don't even know who is playing. Okay really I don't usually know there's a game on.

Just sayin...
And yeah, I'm working on questions we'd want to ask Dominants. Do you have a Dom you have questions for? What questions would you want to ask? Would he answer?

Wednesday, January 8, 2014


Just FYI, I'm not posting anything else til I get some indication that someone is reading these.

This is supposed to be a conversation, not a one sided monologue.

You can agree or disagree or whatever. But that's my line in the sand.

Validate me.

Friday, January 3, 2014

Winter Prayer


It's stupidly, horribly cold.

They said yesterday was -41 Celsius with the wind chill. Fahrenheit and Celsius meet at -40 btw, that's probably all you need to know.

And it's been insanely cold for most of a week that I had off. So cold that going out risks frostbite or hypothermia unless you are just rushing out to the car and even that's pretty miserable. We talk about which car we are going to take, heated seats or heated steering wheel. And which car heating system works the most efficiently.

No skiing, no skating, no winter fun. No walking or running outside.

Wear a hat, scarf, boots and WARM mittens. Wear a jacket with a hood, just in case. If your car does have problems be prepared to walk away.

The furnace in my house isn't keeping up. No it's not cold in my house, not really, but it's not warm either. The restaurant we went to last night was in an older building. It was cold there.

And for my asshole facebook friends who are in Florida or the Carribbean or Mexico and are whining about having to come back. We've heard your boasting for 2 weeks. We do not feel any sympathy for you having to return. In fact, we want to meet you at the airport and hose you down so you can catch up on the cold weather misery we have felt for a week.