carpe diem

where to go now?

Sunday, November 3, 2013


Do you love when you're in a group of people and you see little hints of D/s and it makes you wonder about the stories behind the little gestures?

I went to a party last night.  There was a couple there, the woman slightly older, the man a bit younger. I've met them before, and was struck by the same things then.

She seemed to be in her early 50s, overweight but still attractive, well dressed. She had on those high boots that I always think Dommes should wear. 

He was nice looking but a bit anxious seeming. Or was that just attentive? He's tall, slim, he obviously works out. I'd say he was about 38, maybe a little older.

He brought her plates of things, they fed each other.

Their talk ranged from casual to pretty sexual, hmmm, had sexual elements in it. It wasn't uncomfortable for bystanders or eavesdroppers.

And they touched each other a lot.  Just little touches, a hand on a thigh, a shoulder, the middle of his back.

In my mind, they are a Domme and her boy. They've been together a long time; they're good together. And whether in or out, he serves her, he brings her things, he is at her command. The feed each other food, he because that's what she orders, she feeds him because he loves taking food from her hands. It's funny, how feeding someone can be service or something a little humiliating depending on the point of view.

I don't think they did it when they got home last night. The Domme was tired. But probably this morning, as I write this, he's serving her somehow. Either servicing her body, as she commands, as he knows she likes, or bringing her breakfast afterward.

Mmmmm. Lucky them.

Saturday, November 2, 2013


Have you seen this?

It's a princessified version of famous women. 

How did I miss this? 

Recognize them? I knew some, had to look others up. 

They are, from left to right: Marie Curie, Anne Frank, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Harriet Tubman, Malala, Hillary, Jane Goodall, Gloria Steinem, Rosa Parks, Susan B.Antony. 

Last spring, Disney princessified Merida, who was the heroine in Brave to look like all the other princesses. The reason was to sell product, but the problem, and the reason for all the fuss, was that Merida was billed as the anti-princess, she was supposed to be different from all the other princesses and to not care about conventional beauty and to resist the trappings. She was supposed to be a role model for girls who might want someone to look up to that wasn't all about looks. I think maybe Disney missed that point.

So this artist, David Trumble, painted this World of Women, where he depicted women heroines as princesses. It was meant to be a joke, a provocative image, a conversation starter.

I love the idea. I think it's a good conversation starter.

Let me start by saying I was a Barbie girl. I looooved Barbies when I was little. And I like being pretty as an adult.I like dressing up, I like nice clothes, and I like feeling that people think I'm pretty.

But I recognize that there's a lot more to being important, successful, or a good role model than just pretty. And the message that girls and women are blasted with is all about perfectly pretty.

And so Merida was important. Because she gave girls permission to be other than beautiful and still be successful and happy.

As all these women are important. In bigger ways. And they've been enhanced? reduced? to princesses.

And I love the ironic take on it.

I found some of the transformations more shocking than others. The most shocking? Maybe Anne Frank. And Hillary.


It's Complicated

In stories and movies and in our thinking, relationships are supposed to "progress".

They become more important, more committed, more intense. There's more time, more emotion, more everything. And then they live happily ever after. Or something.

My relationship is going the other way. Less of all that. And yet I'm supposed to just hang on.

It's not over. It's fine.

But it's shifted from the exotic and entrancing thing it was.

And some days I'm happy with it. Or at least content.

Other days I'm frustrated because I know what it was. I say frustrated, but that includes a sad and angry and resigned. And fearful that it's getting worse faster.

On rare days, it's blissful and that recharges me.

It's complicated I guess.

Thursday, October 31, 2013


I think this is the first Halloween ever where I just did Mom stuff.

Maybe I'm finally grown up?

I don't think I like it.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Something I Never Leave The House Without - Day 3

My phone. I know it's boring but it's the thing I never go without.

I was the first kid on the block with a cell phone. It was 1991 and it was huge and heavy. I sure knew whether it was in my purse or not. 

I've had a few new ones since then.

Right now I have 2. One for work, and one for me.

I take mine everywhere. Just in case.

I live not quite in the country but almost. And I take it in case I get stranded. It's a safety thing for me. It's less about always being able to chat with my friends or family, and more about being able to call for help if I have car problems.

And my Dominant likes to be able to reach me, so I take it for him.

And I run, so I've called for a rescue a couple of times, and a couple of times just cause I couldn't make it home again..

I didn't always take it running. When you run, you want to run light if you can.  My husband used to nag me to take it, and sometimes I would, and sometimes I wouldn't.

Once I was training for a half marathon. Training was going well, it was several weeks before the race and I was doing a long practice run. It was cold and damp, kind of crummy but the run was going well. At about 15 kilometres I slipped, twisted my ankle, badly, and fell by the side of the road, onto the shoulder rather than the busy highway thank goodness. I called home to say I had hurt myself and to tell them where I was. My rescuers were there in about 10 minutes to drive me home and ice my ankle, which was about the size of a grapefruit by the time I got home.  Which prevented me from running the darn thing, or running at all for about 6 months btw.

So when I'm tempted to go without I think of that day and almost always take it.  Though occasionally, very occasionally, If I only go out for 20 minutes, I'll live on the edge and go without.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

A Favourite Movie - Day 2

Ummm, I'm not a very movie person. I don't see lots of them, don't watch lots of TV, I'm more about words on a page than pictures on a screen.

And I'm a hopeless romantic when it comes to movies. I'm a bit more nuanced when it comes to books, but I like romantic movies, teary movies, but movies where the guy gets the girl in the end.

My favourite movie might be Gone With the Wind. It was for a long time. I love it. I love Rhett Butler. He's so damn sexy. And I love that he's pretty Dom and the clothes are gorgeous and there's so much undercurrent about morals and expectations and ... yeah. I love the interaction between the two of them, the tension, her trying to boss him around, his refusal to be bossed. Growing up, I think that Rhett/Clark was my perfect man, smart, bossy, successful, older and oh so sexy. That might be my favourite movie. And I know it doesn't really seem like it, but I've always been convinced that it does eventually end happily. He comes back to her, because he can't stay away, and she's learned her lesson, works at making it work and they live happily ever after. Could happen, right?

 I also love Star Wars. It has adventure. Technology. Ideology. Some comedy. Good against evil. A bit of love interest. She says, "I love you." He says, "I know". Yes of course it was always Han Solo. It kind of shocks me that there could have been any question there of choosing Luke over Han. Han had that bad boy thing going on. Luke was ... well more like your brother right? So no big surprise when that turned out to be the case. And really, anything else that Harrison Ford has ever been in... yum. Pretty Woman. Yes, so politically incorrect in so many ways. Happy, sad, unrealistic, great music that makes me happy. Of course I know that it's not that simple and that life as a hooker isn't pretty. But I just love the love story in it. Does it matter that she starts off as a hooker? Maybe not, I think it's a Cinderella story with a great shopping scene in it.And it's funny. And the guy gets the girl in the end. Or is it the girl getting the guy?

So those are my movie picks. What do you mean I was supposed to pick one? I don't think it said I had to just pick ONE did it? No way. And btw, they might be different picks on different days. Maybe. Although nothing else comes to mind. Yeah, I know they're all old. Hey, do you notice they all have older men in them? Coincidence? Probably not.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

A Place I'd Like to Go - Day 1

There are so many places I'd like to travel. How can I choose?
I’d like to go everywhere. And somehow there aren’t that many places I’ve been.
I always thought I would travel more. But first I was in school forever. Jobs were hard to find and I was good at school so I did several degrees and finished late. There was really no money for travel at that point.
After grad school I found a job, got married and started having babies pretty quickly. Once again there wasn’t the time or the money to travel much.
I did go a couple of places, to France and to England. They were the top of my list of must see places, but there were so many other places I wanted to see.
So what’s on my bucket list? Everything? Everywhere? No, not really.
But the top of the list is Italy. 

I’ve always wanted to go to Italy.
From the time I was a little girl there was a fascination, first with the Romans. The Gods and Goddesses, the Roman Empire, the legions, all of it. History everywhere. Later the Renaissance, the castles and cathedrals, Vatican City, museums, statues, paintings, Florence, Rome, Naples, Venice, Tuscany. 2000 years of history and museums and galleries and beauty.
I knew a woman once, who used to rent a villa in Tuscany every year for a month or so. I was and am so envious.  
Two of my best friends got married a couple of years ago and went to Italy for their honeymoon. They’re both arty, creative, they spent weeks in museums. I wanted to go too.
I want to see it all, I want to stay for months and see every bit of it. My family is disinterested. I might be able to talk them into a couple of days, perhaps a week. I’d never persuade them to go for longer.
So that’s my dream vacation.
Sure there are other places too, Spain, Portugal, back to France to see the castles in the Loire Valley. China, India, Nepal. Hawaii (it seems so exotic to me, I know it probably isn’t but I want to go anyway!), Turkey, Egypt, Brazil.
But Italy is my first choice.

Monday, January 28, 2013

30 Days

So I’m copying something from someone else … I feel a bit like I’m in limbo. I’ve asked for some changes with my Dom and I’m waiting to see how that plays out.
And in the meantime I’m so tired of posting "Things are bad." "Things are good." "Things are bad." "Things are good." I hate it, and I feel like you guys can’t invest in it either way, so if I’m going to post, it needs to be something else.
So I found this meme over at Perfectly Polyamorous
It's 30 days worth of randomly interesting things (or not so interesting) about me. Probably with some other stuff randomly distributed in between. And maybe by the time those 30 things are over, I'll have a better idea of what to post next.

Most of it will be fairly vanilla, with maybe a tiny bit of sprinkles mixed in. So those of you who say you'd read me if I was posting travelogues will have the opportunity to decide if that's really true. And the rest of you can skip to something else. 
Here's the list: 

1.       A place I’d like to travel
2.       A favourite movie
3.       Something I never leave the house without
4.       A friend I admire
5.       My hometown
6.       Best vacation spot
7.       A song for the day
8.       Three inspirational quotes
9.       A close up of my day
10.   A favourite recipe
11.   Three years ago today
12.   The last item I purchased
13.   Something I’m proud of
14.   A piece of architecture I love
15.   Three blogs I always read
16.   Someone who inspires me
17.   My family
18.   What I wore today
19.   Most memorable of 2013 so far
20.   Something that means a lot to me
21.   A self portrait
22.   What I love about my job
23.   Eight things you don’t know about me
24.   Something that makes me smile
25.   The contents of my purse
26.   Something I’m looking forward to
27.   A favourite restaurant
28.   A skill I’d like to learn
29.   Something I could never tire of
30.   Three wonderful things that have happened in my life

What do you think - are there other things I should post as well or instead?