Recently Big Bad Dom went exploring on the internet and discovered someone else's rules.
He started reading them to me, asked what I thought, and I said I thought they were pretty all inclusive and pretty naive. He agreed with me, he even said they were utopian.
But he kept reading them to me.
And a couple of things became clear.
He liked The Rules. They were about action and intent and feelings and they gave everything to the Master. This submissive was going to do everything to please him, everything she thought might please him and she was going to do it all willingly. So he thought they were great.
I didn't like the rules. I thought they were silly. Yes, they gave him everything but and oh so willingly and sweetly. But they didn't take reality into consideration. The second there was anything outside perfection in their relationship, she'd be outside the rules.
In my relationship, being outside the rules is bad. There is enforcement, punishment, etc.
So I hated the rules and started feeling defensive and, okay a bit sulky too.
He kept reading. Maybe he didn't realize I was getting sulky. Every so often, I'd say to him something like, "oh you should get a sub who does that!"
It was threatening because I'm not a perfect submissive. Not even close. Somedays I'm perfect and obedient and sweet. Some days I'm obedient. And tired or sick or busy or sulky or furious or have PMS or dying to do something else, show off something else, get his opinion about something else.
Our deal is that he chooses what we're going to do or talk about and I do what he wants. We have some pretty basic rules about whether my attitude is appropriate or not. Again this is his decision. Surprised? But he actually wants to know whether I like what he's chosen. I'm required to be honest about my feelings if he asks. And then I might be required to just shut up about them. But none of that will make me Little Mary Sunshine if I want to fuck and he wants to talk or the reverse.
And these rules were so much about attitude. Yeah, I could be a bit better maybe. That's honesty. I could change a bit. But I don't think I'd ever get to that perfect submission in The Rules.
And I hope he doesn't get a sub who does that!