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Sunday, October 24, 2010

Angst in Blogland

Angst in cyber-world. There's a fuss about one of the blogs on the best sex bloggers list. It was the blog that came first, a blog by a high class call girl (allegedly) and was eventually removed from first place because of the protest. If you follow the links you can read a pretty vitriolic accusation here. And a really good post by Remittance Girl on the virtual execution of this virtual call girl.

A long time ago, one of my early online friends told me that you have to assume that everyone you meet online is a man, probably 18 to 30, and just looking to jerk off. And I certainly found that in some groups there was some truth to that.

I did meet women in online chat rooms that I found out later were men. Actually, I wasn't that bothered by it. They weren't people I had much invested in and my sense of betrayal was fairly limited. I was amused and intrigued and wondered about their reasons. I wasn't hurt.

Actually I had one insanely hot cyber session with a girl that I later found out was a man. Did it wreck it for me? Ummm, no, but it did shift my sense of what had happened.

I have assumed that people who write blogs are middle aged women. Some are younger, some older, some men even, but a huge preponderance seem to be those MAWs. And I have no idea of stats or facts or trends or anything else on this. Maybe it's just the blogs I read, but I think they are overwhelmingly written by just who I said.

People write blogs in order to connect, to communicate. We want the community that we build of like minded people.

And the world sort of takes the blog and the blogger at face value. What do you know about me? Only what I tell you, and perhaps what you read between the lines, if you read closely enough. You know that I say I'm a woman, middle aged as I said, you know tons about my feelings. Or about the feelings I say I feel.

But you don't know if any of that is true. And how much do you care? For those of you that read my blog all the time, if you found out I wasn't who I say, what I say, how shocked would you be? Well depends what it was, right?

Like if you found that I was 25 or 75 instead of 50, would that make a difference? It might not but you might wonder why I had misrepresented. And you'd see what I wrote differently.

If you found out that I weighed 10 pounds more than you thought you probably wouldn't do more than raise an eyebrow. Women lie about their weight all the time right?

If you found out that I was a man what would you think? And I could be a man, there are no pictures of me here. And if there were, would you be certain they were me? Yeah, that would shift your perceptions of me and what I say. But why and how much?
The real answer is that  it would probably depend on how close you felt to me and how much you had relied on the specific image that you had held of me and how much I was changing it.

In the example that I started with, The Princess Diaries, the blog that won first place in the 100 Best Bloggers List this year, apparently the blog was written by a high paid call girl, who turns out to have maybe been a middle aged man. Which is different I grant you. But how important is it? I think it became more important because someone was envious and started a trash talking campaign. But of course I don't know that.

The internet permits anonymity. And you really have no idea if anything you read on my blog, or anywhere else on the net, is fact or fiction or opinion. You just don't know. I think you read here for entertainment, to be amused or intrigued or for my story. And if it's my story that draws you here, you are drawn whether it's fact or fiction.

I like to know whether things are true or not. I really do. But in some ways I also don't care. Unless I'm doing research I read what interests me, what entertains me.

I find it creepy that someone has gone to so much trouble to prove who the blogger really is. They could be ruining someone's life, a vindictive and pointless act. It's disconcerting. I know there are people here who don't like me. I can only hope that no one ever combines motive and means to hurt me that much.


  1. It is creepy.

    Mick and Molly are who we let onto be.

    But I figured there was a 30% chance that Sin was an Australian Rugby player.

    Could 'Nilla be a male GOP Senator from Utah?

  2. Deep Thoughts

    I agree -- we don't know -- and our blogs really are just a piece of who we are -- and just what we choose to show be

    I have read blogs before that felt like pure fiction - that may or may not be written by the person they claim to be

    but those typically turn me away -- I love the blogs where the people feel real



    and where real life occassional interferes.


    PS -- I'm also horrified that someone might out someone -- I mean -- who cares if it's a man or a woman -- if you don't like it -- stop reading.

  3. sin,

    mouse is with you and everyone's creepy, it doesn't matter and really who cares?

    jealousy makes people do nutty stuff doesn't it?


  4. Add my creepy to the list.

    I guess I am very lucky, there are not many people in my life that would turn away or have a big problem if I was "outed". I know it is naive, but I take bloggers at face value. I agree with sfp, if you don't like it, it is your right not to read it.

    sin as a rugby player? ROFL. Sooo does not fit my image of you.

  5. Yes, it is creepy. Doesn't matter to me either - unless - if I'm having personal conversation with someone, I think it matters more.

    I mean, if Mick and Molly turn out to be - um, I don't know - what would bother me? If they were actually - gosh, maybe a couple of nuns, or two GOP senators - one from Utah and one from Arizona - well either way, they still wrote the blog. So I guess I'd kind of think it's still them.

    Unless - the exception of course is if you're doing it to be mean or to take advantage of someone. Otherwise, I figure you're just expressing a part of yourself that doesn't usually get expressed.


  6. Mick - I happen to know a good bit about sin and there a couple of things that might help you increase your odds on sin being a rugby player. I do know, from first hand experience that she enjoys a good scrum and also looks good in the little rugby shorts. I think those two news facts might increase your percentage a few points.

  7. Who we really are and what we write? It seems to me, that the only real thing here is the words on the screen. Perhaps in many ways, this person, this woman that turned out to be a man... in this world, on this screen is transformed into what he wishes he was?

    His/her reality matters little to me. What matters is are the words. If he could create and maintain a believable character, fiction or not, one I can relate to in this virtual world. That is all that matters.

    Part of me is very impressed with the sheer talent of someone that can maintain such a fiction, present it so well that it fools the senses.

  8. I would be just beside myself if someone went to that much effort to 'out' who I was.

    Yes, I have an online persona - and she's a whole lot more brave and honest and real with herself than she's able to physically say.

    Does that provide entertainment? I'd hope so - does it mean I'm 'misrepresenting' myself, I wouldn't have said so - but who knows. /Shrug.

    We are a whole much greater than the sum of our parts - and expression, while beautiful is naturally selective.

  9. I have nothing against someone posting a complete fantasy version of themselves (provided no one else is harmed or has their feelings toyed with, of course.) If a man wishes to live an online fantasy as a woman, or an 80 year old woman wants to live online as a young girl, or a severe burn victim or paraplegic wants to have a fantasy online fantasy life where they can have a healthy body again, then what a great use for the internet. As long as there are no ulterior motives, I can't fault anyone for that. It may be their only outlet for who they really feel like inside.

    With that said, I do want to believe that the person I'm reading is really who they say they are, at least if it's someone I'm fantasizing about fucking (you, for instance.) I suppose that's what it really comes down to - assuming I will never meet a person in real life, all that really matters is what I *believe.*

  10. I just now read the two Alexa links. I didn't know anything about that and I'm not sure how I feel about any of it since (assuming it's even true,) I don't know if Alexa's motivations (innocent or sinister.) I don't know her(his?) blog at all.

    What I do know is that it's fucked up as hell to out someone like that. Unless Alexa really did something horrible to someone, then it's important to keep a "punishment" in line with the "crime." Outing is waaayyyy overboard.

  11. Hmm, what's wrong with rugby? Those little shorts are SO cute.

  12. Oh and Riff Dog, I am very honoured that you are fantasizing about fucking me. Really. I wouldn't lie to you. And I'm definitely a woman.

  13. Sin,

    Long time lurker here.

    Remittance Girl has a very, very good follow-up post on this situation which directly addresses the central issues associated with "outing":