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where to go now?

Saturday, March 29, 2014


I've been emailing with a blogger friend about cuckolding and why it's a turn on.

Nice hmmm?

It's a kink for lots of people.

Not my particular thing, at least I don't think about it in those specific words.

But I do like when my man has other girls. Subs-on-the-Side. Extra girls.

Why do I like it? 

Well because it means he's attractive to them. They validate my opinions about him. Sometimes they are there for me to talk to about him. I love that. I get a little extra piece of him, through them.

And he's always had extra girls, variety. He likes it, and I like him to have what he likes. That's my thing. 

And I also like that little hit of humiliation that he gets to fuck around and I don't. That he expect me to take it, AND like it. Which I try to do. Cause you know, that's really hot sometimes. Is it a hint of objectification or something? Just the idea of it...

As you'll know, if you've read my blog for a while, I do this with varying degrees of success.

I don't want to lose him to someone else, that's for damn sure. But I do like the idea of sharing. 

Sometimes it's sexy and hot and sometimes it's submissive and obedient, and sometimes it's sisterhood. And sometimes I struggle with it.

And yes, sometimes I've been desperately jealous and unhappy. And fairly "out" about that, as I'm required to be with my submission. Which is complicated, right?

And I learn more about myself as we go.

I certainly have not been consistent about how I have responded to sharing him with other girls over time. So much depends on the other girls. Do they want to interact with me? Do they want to be friends? Do they want to be sexual partners? Do they want to domme me? Why yes I do try to get under everyone I encounter sexually, why do you ask? Do they want to displace me and take him away? Do they want to love him, do they want him to love them? Do they want me to be jealous of their relationship with him? Do they want to fight? Is it going to be about sisterhood and sharing experiences or about one upmanship? Do we have things we can offer each other.

While talking to one of his Subs-on-the-Side recently, she said to me that the only times she ever felt like we  were getting close to fighting, were all times when she could see I didn't feel like I was being heard. I really liked that actually. I did and do want to be heard. I think I feel that the opportunity to talk about it is my prerequisite (or is it a payment) for acquiescing to the arrangement. Because after all, a significant part of D/s for me is exploring and understanding how it makes me feel. 

So cuckolding, which is where I started, doesn't seem to apply in the same way to women who share their man. The official term is cuckquean for a woman who shares her man. Wikipedia says "Cuckquean refers to a woman with an adulterous husband. In modern English it generally refers to the sexual fetish in which sexual gratification is gained from maintenance or observation of sexual relations by a man with a woman or a number of women besides his girlfriend, wife or long-term female sex partner, and therefore, the reversed gender roles of a cuckold relationship." It also notes that the male is sexually dominant, the female is submissive, and sometimes is completely celibate, only becoming involved with the man or his lover when he permits it. I guess I'm glad I'm not celibate. It also notes that typically it involves some humiliation. Which I guess is why it turns me on.

I think it's different for men, more about competition, tons about humiliation, not so much about sisterhood/brotherhood. But jeez, I don't know, because I'm not a man. So I get how it feels for me, and why I like it, but I don't really get what appeals to me. Anyone want to wade in and discuss?


  1. I would have to agree that it is hard, but whatever will make him happy has always been my motto. Do some of the things that make him happy cause me to struggle? Sure. Do I talk to him about this struggle? Definitely... every night before bed, I can talk to him about the things I like or don't like, enjoy or struggle with in a safe environment...

  2. Interesting observations, as always, Sin. I've done a little bonding with Mistress's lovers. biking. a football game. But the current one really wants to pretend I'm not in the picture. He has trouble with sharing.

    And as for your sisterhoods with subs on the side - does Big Bad like it when you bond, or when you fight? Or does he find it inconsequential either way.


    1. He definitely likes it when I bond. Probably because it makes it way easier for him. Presumably there's some heat there too...