It's breaking my heart - the relationship, crumbling one little piece at a time, sometimes a bigger one.
All the togetherness that made it worth having.
It seems like it's all but gone now.
This blog? I'm sorry, it started off one thing and has become something else hasn't it? As I try to pretend that things are okay. And they aren't.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Happy Groundhog Day
Sorry, that's all I've got today - and all I have time for too.
Taking fantastic treats for lunch for my girlfriends for our special lunch today.
No, we aren't celebrating Groundhog Day, just celebrating Thursday and friendship.
But it would be kind of fun to celebrate GD, wouldn't it? What would we do in D/s world?
Hmmm....
Taking fantastic treats for lunch for my girlfriends for our special lunch today.
No, we aren't celebrating Groundhog Day, just celebrating Thursday and friendship.
But it would be kind of fun to celebrate GD, wouldn't it? What would we do in D/s world?
Hmmm....
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
And Then All of a Sudden...
You know how sometimes you are in the middle of a day, and it's going okay.
Of course it is, it's my day off. And I was going to go to work, but then the weather was bad so I didn't go. And then the weather wasn't that bad. So I decided to go to yoga.
So my day was going pretty well actually. Weight was good. Ate right.
Went to yoga and it felt good. It was challenging but not impossible to find a place to park my car.
Came home, there was a huge wall of snow across the bottom of my driveway. But then my kid got sent home from school early, cause the school closed early. The big burly shoveling kid. So he shoveled the driveway. Without complaining.
All good eh?
And then all of a sudden, WHAM!
Bad email.
I should not read email on my day off. I should not read email on my day off. I should not read email on my day off.
Of course it is, it's my day off. And I was going to go to work, but then the weather was bad so I didn't go. And then the weather wasn't that bad. So I decided to go to yoga.
So my day was going pretty well actually. Weight was good. Ate right.
Went to yoga and it felt good. It was challenging but not impossible to find a place to park my car.
Came home, there was a huge wall of snow across the bottom of my driveway. But then my kid got sent home from school early, cause the school closed early. The big burly shoveling kid. So he shoveled the driveway. Without complaining.
All good eh?
And then all of a sudden, WHAM!
Bad email.
I should not read email on my day off. I should not read email on my day off. I should not read email on my day off.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Shafia Trial
Today's post is an angry feminist rant about current events. It's not even that coherent. I feel like I have so much to say, and I've run out of time today to say it. But I must say something.
Yesterday there was a court ruling about a case which has captured the attention of Canadians. The parents and brother of 3 murdered girls and their step-mom were found guilty and sentenced to life in prison.
The murders were carried out a couple of years ago. The parents and brother pushed a car that carried the 4 women into a canal. All 4 women drowned.
The reason? Licentious behaviour. The girls, aged 19, 17, and 13 weren't modest enough for the Afghani parents. So they killed them.
There's tons more info on the case here:
Every time I have heard this story on the radio, and there have been numerous reportings on it, I have thought, "those fuckers!" I wish there was a death penalty. I really do. I'm so angry at these people. Can you imagine killing your child? Can you imagine killing 3 of your children? They killed a 13 year old girl for slutty behaviour.
The family moved from Afghanistan to Canada. They're a wealthy family. There was a dad, a mom, the older brother who helped to kill them. The three sisters who died, 2 other sisters and a brother. And the dad's first wife who they brought in a couple months later as a cousin who was going to "help with the housework" or something.
The oldest daughter, Zainab was rebellious. She hung out with boys, she wore makeup and clothes that showed her body. She ran away, to a women's shelter. She got married to someone her parents didn't approve of and then had the marriage annulled. Her behaviour was pretty wild in some ways. Not so wild in others. Not so far off the beaten path of teenage-hood.
The second sister, Sahar, was rebellious too. She hung out with boys, took tarty pics of herself with her cell phone. She dated boys.
The third daughter, Geeti was 13. She asked teachers and schools for help, saying they were going to kill her and then recanted in front of her parents. Pictures of her make her look like a child, not an adolescent. She was a little girl.
The first wife, Rona, was 52. She was barren. She wanted to leave her marriage. She was afraid of her husband. Afraid he would kill her.
All 4 of these women were afraid. Justifiably.
There's a sense that the system let them down. They knew they were in danger, and asked for help, from schools and friends and social workers. They were afraid of being killed and they said so.
We are so politically correct as a culture, so stupidly liberal, that we want to believe that every culture has legitimacy even if it isn't our own. And here's the thing. They don't all have the same legitimacy. Some cultural ways, traditional ways, are just barbaric and evil and repressive. Some are just wrong. We need to say so.
Who decides? Well if you don't feel capable, I can do it, thanks.
These honour killings were that kind of barbaric, primitive, evil thing. This man, their father, obviously the mind behind the crimes, clearly felt that he had the rights to power and control over their sexuality. They were killed because he couldn't control their sexuality.
I seriously hope they put him in jail with a thousand other men and he learns something about sexuality there.
Yesterday there was a court ruling about a case which has captured the attention of Canadians. The parents and brother of 3 murdered girls and their step-mom were found guilty and sentenced to life in prison.
The murders were carried out a couple of years ago. The parents and brother pushed a car that carried the 4 women into a canal. All 4 women drowned.
The reason? Licentious behaviour. The girls, aged 19, 17, and 13 weren't modest enough for the Afghani parents. So they killed them.
There's tons more info on the case here:
http://www.montrealgazette.com/news/Christie+Blatchford+There+honour+shameless+murders/6070834/story.html
The family moved from Afghanistan to Canada. They're a wealthy family. There was a dad, a mom, the older brother who helped to kill them. The three sisters who died, 2 other sisters and a brother. And the dad's first wife who they brought in a couple months later as a cousin who was going to "help with the housework" or something.
The oldest daughter, Zainab was rebellious. She hung out with boys, she wore makeup and clothes that showed her body. She ran away, to a women's shelter. She got married to someone her parents didn't approve of and then had the marriage annulled. Her behaviour was pretty wild in some ways. Not so wild in others. Not so far off the beaten path of teenage-hood.
The second sister, Sahar, was rebellious too. She hung out with boys, took tarty pics of herself with her cell phone. She dated boys.
The third daughter, Geeti was 13. She asked teachers and schools for help, saying they were going to kill her and then recanted in front of her parents. Pictures of her make her look like a child, not an adolescent. She was a little girl.
The first wife, Rona, was 52. She was barren. She wanted to leave her marriage. She was afraid of her husband. Afraid he would kill her.
All 4 of these women were afraid. Justifiably.
There's a sense that the system let them down. They knew they were in danger, and asked for help, from schools and friends and social workers. They were afraid of being killed and they said so.
We are so politically correct as a culture, so stupidly liberal, that we want to believe that every culture has legitimacy even if it isn't our own. And here's the thing. They don't all have the same legitimacy. Some cultural ways, traditional ways, are just barbaric and evil and repressive. Some are just wrong. We need to say so.
Who decides? Well if you don't feel capable, I can do it, thanks.
These honour killings were that kind of barbaric, primitive, evil thing. This man, their father, obviously the mind behind the crimes, clearly felt that he had the rights to power and control over their sexuality. They were killed because he couldn't control their sexuality.
I seriously hope they put him in jail with a thousand other men and he learns something about sexuality there.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Intimidation - Vanilla
This isn't dirty, so if you are here looking for something dark and twisty today, you'll want to move along quickly. This is kind of angsty real life stuff.
I have to write something for work and I'm nervous about it.
I write stuff all the time. I write here, as you know.
And for work I write memos and letters and presentations and briefing notes and persuasive stuff and ... this is different.
It's different because it's something to be published and I'm nervous about the permanence of it. I'm nervous about people reading it now or in 10 years and thinking wow, she was so stupid, she didn't get this at all. I'm nervous of them thinking I've missed the point, or made a bad argument or (worst of all!) not done enough research.
It all just paralyzes me. I've started this paper I'm trying to write at least 3 times before. I research it, write it, play with it a bit and then for no apparent reason I just leave it and walk away.
I don't HAVE to publish stuff in my job. But it would sure help. It would help in terms of prestige and credibility and those would be good things.
I do presentations all the time. I'm good at them. Somehow the transience of the oral presentation helps me. Even if it's not perfect I can cover. I can distract, turn the conversation, shape the discussion. Control things.
I think it's needing to be perfect that intimidates me. But it's also somehow, just submitting the project and letting it sink or swim on its own.
Interesting how the language fits here isn't it? Control, submission.
So in this coming week, I need to find some way past that intimidation, to producing a product.
Wish me luck.
I have to write something for work and I'm nervous about it.
I write stuff all the time. I write here, as you know.
And for work I write memos and letters and presentations and briefing notes and persuasive stuff and ... this is different.
It's different because it's something to be published and I'm nervous about the permanence of it. I'm nervous about people reading it now or in 10 years and thinking wow, she was so stupid, she didn't get this at all. I'm nervous of them thinking I've missed the point, or made a bad argument or (worst of all!) not done enough research.
It all just paralyzes me. I've started this paper I'm trying to write at least 3 times before. I research it, write it, play with it a bit and then for no apparent reason I just leave it and walk away.
I don't HAVE to publish stuff in my job. But it would sure help. It would help in terms of prestige and credibility and those would be good things.
I do presentations all the time. I'm good at them. Somehow the transience of the oral presentation helps me. Even if it's not perfect I can cover. I can distract, turn the conversation, shape the discussion. Control things.
I think it's needing to be perfect that intimidates me. But it's also somehow, just submitting the project and letting it sink or swim on its own.
Interesting how the language fits here isn't it? Control, submission.
So in this coming week, I need to find some way past that intimidation, to producing a product.
Wish me luck.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Would You Rather... ?
I found this I found the pic and the question and brought it back here because I am curious about the reaction. And don't feel like writing anything - though really I do have topics now so don't give up on me completely ok?
And the question is meant for straight men according to the caption - which I love, as much or more than the pics, cause it aggressively forces the issue. Choose. And if you don't choose it's because you are sexually insecure.
So if you do answer - I'm curious about your sexuality? Male or female, straight or gay?
I find both of them attractive... sort of.
It came from here btw
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