carpe diem

where to go now?

Sunday, February 2, 2014

The Joneses

Mistress to sissy patience over at the Sissymaid Diaries has decided to play along and answer some questions about being a Domme. Thanks!

As an intro she says the following: "I happen to be a fond follower of the submissive blogosphere. I find knowing what others are doing helps me to understand my place as a Dominant (and as a submissive when that happens) and allows me to gauge my actions on the scales put forth by others. While I don’t subscribe to the keeping up with the Joneses philosophy of kink, I do like hearing the experiences that others have and using their ideas, desires, and goals to expand my repertoire."

I agree with lots of what she says here. I think there's a pretty big submissive blogosphere, and I find what others are doing and discussing help me to understand and discuss what I'm thinking sometimes.

I've really liked reading the answers from the Domme and Doms. They're so different, and I bet there are people who read them and think about how different they are. And it's not about making anyone feel defensive about anything they are or aren't, it's about openness and conversation about it. 

I don't think I'm a "keeping up with the Joneses" kind of kinkster, but I am curious about what the Joneses are doing. Sometimes in a "omg, I'm glad we aren't doing what the Smiths are doing," sometimes in a "wow, look at that hot thing the Greens are doing," and sometimes in a "what do you think of that thing the Golds are writing about?"

Although I admit that if the Smiths are doing something particularly nasty, I often just don't mention it, because it can be a red flag, a bit like daring him to do it to me.

But I do love the idea of seeing what's inside a Dom's mind as well as a sub's. As patience's Mistress says, "I like hearing the experiences that others have and using their ideas, desires, and goals to expand my repertoire."

Actually, it's not so much the repertoire in my case, but my language, conversation and understanding about D/s. Okay, maybe a little repertoire.

I have this idea that since D/s isn't mainstream, we can find ourselves immersed in it, without really understanding what's going on in our heads and in our relationships.And without growing up in a culture and society that gives us norms and expectations about it. So reading and discussing with other people who are doing similar things helps us to understand what might be "normal" in D/s.

Hmmm, is that what I mean? Do I care about being "normal"? Well, I care that I'm not crazy to desire pain sometimes and to want to offer myself to a Sadist. I don't want to be crazy, I want to be sexual, experimental, open to new things. And I don't want to give them up. I don't mind not being like everyone else on my street, but I love the commonalities here. I want to be like others (some others at least), or really, maybe I want to know that others see themselves as similar to me. Maybe I want to BE the Joneses?

I want to have a conversation about power and dominance and submission that it's impossible to have with people who aren't into it.

I want to hear more about the Dom side, partly to hear the answers from my own Dominant, but also so that I can understand your stories and so that I can crib from your answers and ask him if any of them apply to him/us.

I have a fascination with wanting to know what HE gets out of our relationship, from the pain and pleasure and connection and power exchange, from the Dom point of view. Honestly, it's enlightening to hear and it's often amazingly hot too.


  1. I agree! I feel like I write and share soooo much, and hardly ever get more than a peek into my Master's head and what he's thinking, specifically about dominance or submission (he talks to me all the time about his books, his work, general stuff like that), that every little bit is a like a pearl to me. I want to grab it and hold it, ponder it, treasure it.

    I love to hear about others D/s lives, even if I don't want to be like them, or especially if I do, but either way, if they are doing something at all similar I enjoy reading it.

    1. mine thinks he shares tons with me, but there's lots he doesn't share too.

  2. I have enjoyed this exercise too! Not only has it been enlightening to see the Dom perspective out there, I have enjoyed pondering those questions from my point of view (and even mentioned you in a post ;)) Thank you for sharing your ponderings with us...and btw, Master commented on question two! Keep the discussions coming, we are enjoying it :) x