carpe diem

where to go now?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


Running is sooo hard some days. But really the hardest part is getting started. Motivating myself to put on my running gear and go down to the treadmill or out the door is huge. Today I have put it off for ages.

I should have run yesterday and managed to convince myself that I was just too tired. I ate the treat I had imagined I would have after I run, holding it out to myself as the carrot; persuading myself that I deserved it if I ran, like a good little girl. And then I ate it. And then I told myself now I HAD to run. And still didn't. Too tired. Exhausted from my day; from life, and stress, and ... yeah, just life.

Today... well Tuesdays its just hard to run, after a session with my Dom, or in between sessions. The sessions drain me, often hurting my body, tiring me, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Hard to run after that.

But today I had to run. I was off schedule already after yesterday and I refuse to fall behind the training schedule I want to meet.

And my weight isn't moving. Boo. And I have been pretty good. Yes I did eat the treat yesterday, but that put me 3 points over for the day, well within the flex points if I was using them, which I've been trying not to, but not beating myself up about if I do...

And I wasn't exhausted today, because the session with HIM was good, and fairly intense while it lasted, but shorter because HE really was focused on inauguration day with all the intensity of a political junkie who can't get enough. I think he had the TV on all day, and the attention I drew was during the slow news periods. (I don't resent it, not one day of TV focus, though I'm certain I would hate it if TV crowded out lots of our time together.)

And that did leave me with the energy to run.

So when I finally got myself onto the treadmill, it was easy, and I started to laugh at myself within the first ten steps. Why do I procrastinate? Why do I dread this? Its not great; its never gonna replace sex as fun, but its not terrible either. Its just a matter of doing it. And the key to that, is starting.

And do you suppose that Barack Obama found time for the gym today?

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